I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
