Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
