but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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