I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
