hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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