Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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