Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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