It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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