Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Success! We fucked roommates!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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