i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
