I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
