just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
