home. puking in laundry basket.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
