she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Mom said you looked used
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
