when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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