i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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