I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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