it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
