New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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