i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
