my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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