i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
