you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
