i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
