Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
