I just cut my nipple shaving
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
