i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
