yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
