Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
