so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
