Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He passed out mid-signature
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
