sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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