i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
