feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
