the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
