Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
