You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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