I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
