He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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