i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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