fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
