i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
