gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
