I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
