Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sarcasm needs its own font
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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