Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
