Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
