Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
