take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
