and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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