You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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