I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
