you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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