Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just had sex bonerless
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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